My confession to you, darling

Darling,

I can't face his question.

I know both roads would hurt one of us in some way.

There's is no way to do anything without hurting someone.

Its either I hurt myself, or I hurt him.

But I don't wanna hurt him like you hurt me.

So tell me, what do I do?

I know you couldn't possibly help me.

So why do I even bother asking you, you may ask.

Cuz I just needed a reason to talk to you.

SUBJECT CHANGE

Searching for you still....

Its been maybe more than a week since I wrote to you. But you haven't replied. You haven't been here.

Where have you been?

The only reason why I'm here is to see if you are here too. But the result disappoints me. Always.

Have you disappeared for good this time?

Maybe this heart should lose it's feelings for good this time too.

NEW SUBJECT (kinda. but still continue from previous subject)

Falling in and out of love....

But the problem is, I never fell out of love with you.

i DID stop loving you, cuz that was the right thing to do.

But I think, if a person doesn't fall out of love, and just stops loving another, it is TOO easy for that person to fall BACK in love with that other person.

Making any sense?

It does in MY head...

So darling, do something that will make me fall out of love with you. And NOT just stop loving you cuz its the right thing to do.

Nothing is "right" without you.

NEW SUBJECT

Filling this heart with too much emotion...

There has never been a moment when I wasn't smiling when I was with you.

My heart races when I see you.

My heart STOPS when you say something. :)

My heart skips a beat when you come close.

My heart jumps up and down when I'm with you.

But why can no other do that?

There WAS one other. But that "other", I could never have. Not that I want that "other" anymore. (hehehehe)

I've locked you away some time ago. But I save you, if I ever needed you again.

But it seems, I have never really fastened the lock properly. And I let you seep out now and again.

END

The chances of someone reading this is LOW. So, I don't care if I'm the most pathetic person in the world right now.

Like I said, "You ain't seen pathetic, until you've seen ME"

im sorry, darlingS

I'd send a postcard to you, dear
cuz I wish you were here......

Cuz when I'm with him,
I am thinking of you.

Tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time. All the time....

ssiiigggghhhh....

Is it wrong to be with someone when you're still wishing for someone else?

He doesn't make me laugh, like you do.
He doesn't have that memorable smile, like you do.
He doesn't have those beautiful eyes, like you do.
He doesn't have a lot of things you do,
but the difference is, he's taking his chance...

My heart is torn in two, thinking about you.

And I miss you.
And I hate you.

And I anxiously wait for you to appear.
But its been so long.
And waiting for you is too tiring.

I've given up on trying to give up.

Would it be wrong to be with a person just for the sake of being with that person?

I know it would.

What if I don't love him?

You got it, you got it. Some kind of magic.
Hypnotic, hypnotic. You're leaving me breathless...

giggles

WHAT IF I NEVER GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN?!?!?!
urgh. This is so frustrating!

I want you to want me.

I just wanna get to know you. Cuz what i feel right now, is an attraction. I wanna know if I should go along down that road and finally fall for you.

In other words, "I've heard your melody, and its stuck in my mind. Now I wanna know the lyrics, and see if its a song I wanna sing."

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??

ssssiiiggggghhhh.....

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, GOD!

Let me have the chances.


teehee

me and my heart, we got issues.

I've been really tryin, baby! Try'na hold back this feelin' for so long. But if you feel, like I feel, baby. Then C'mon. OH C'MON!!!
let's get it on!

I can't help but smile when I hear that song. HEEEHEEEHEEEHEE....

Oh crap. I can't remember what I was gonna write about.

Oh! I remember now.

ehm ehem...

Its nice to be appreciated.
Its nice to be fancied.
Its nice to be liked.
Its awesome to know that you are LOVED.
teehee.

Well, I have this issue in my heart. Why aren't I good enough?

Recently, someone I love made me feel like I was such a disappointment. Pathetic. Worthless. Useless. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
No, these words did not come out straight from that person's mouth. But what he was saying to me, about how I am, made me feel like NOTHING. Like I AM NOTHING.

It hurt me so much. To hear him criticize me was like a blade stabbing me with every word.
It has happened before. But I don't know what happened different this time, I just can't seem to forgive him. I have this HATE in my heart for him.
Yes, I will always love him.
But right now, I can't even look him in the eye.

And I haven't looked at him in the eye these few days. I have however, exchanged few words with him. Like normal stuff.
Its been two days since that incident. And it has never taken this long to act as if it didn't happen. It usually takes me a few hours. But it has been more than two days now.

Even now, I don't think I can ever open myself to him anymore.

OK! CHANGING SUBJECT!
Thank you for closure. I know now. xD
Thank you for appreciating me.
Thank you for "falling" for me.
It makes me happy to talk to you.
It puts a smile on my face when you have time for me.
But I have to say that my heart is closed to you now. It is no longer for you.
Try as you might, you and I know it will never be good.
As much as I have wanted you, I must say that now I know I can never have you.
And it does not hurt me to know this truth. It used to. But not now.

But thank you for everything. I will never forget you, for you have helped me find closure for something very important to me.
"Try not to miss me when you're away"
*smile*

Loser no more

Right now I'm supposed to be ironing my uniform for school tomorrow. But, whatever.

All I can think about is how I feel towards you. Which is nothing.

i NOTHING you.

I know that it's over now. I feel nothing. You feel nothing.
Maybe I held on to you the way I did, because you actually looked me in the eyes, and saw me. For me. And most of all, you LOVED me. For me...

You loved me when I looked terrible.
You loved me when I wasn't my best.
I wasn't the most fantastic.
But still, you loved me...

But there's nothing left now.
And I'm not hurt.
I knew this was going to happen.
I was waiting for it.

But what bothers me now, is that there's no one who sees me for me anymore.
There's no one who feels the way you did about me.
It feels like there's no one who looks at me, and sees all the great things I am.

Why is that?

Why don't people see me the way you did?

How did you see my depth?
Why were'nt you a normal guy and just look for a easy, shallow girl?

How did you see my beauty?
Why were'nt you a normal guy and just look for a HOT, sexy girl?

How did you see my confidence?
Why weren't you a normal guy and just look for one of those "damsels in distress"?

Why did I, considering all the things I am, and am not, attract you?
How did I make you fall for me?

How did I, by just being me, make you love me?

I am so much.
I have so much to offer.
But why doesn't anyone see that?

I am not a loser anymore. Because I am not in love with you anymore.
Hence, the title....

I. AM. A. LOSER.

THE LOSER THAT'S IN LOVE WITH YOU

a.k.a. = ME

You ain't seen pathetic until you've seen me.
You ain't seen a loser until you've seen me.

Half true....

"You lose sleep over me, cuz I'm constantly running around in your mind and in your dreams."
"You lose your appetite cuz of me."
"You write songs about me."
"You miss me."

All those things you said (and more) are only HALF true...

I don't lose sleep over you. Well, not anymore.

I have never lost my appetite over anyone.

Yes, I write songs about you.

And yes, I miss you.

But you will never know. Well, maybe you will. But not now.

I"m trying my best to not give in to your charm.

You break my heart. All the time. And I can't trust you with my heart.

But you make it too easy for me to keep falling for you over and over again.

You missed your chance. But you said I missed mine.

What would it have been like together, I often wonder.

I think it would've been better than everything we already were.

But I've been dreaming too long.

I wanna wake up. Put the memory of you in a box. Lock it away.

But you come back, just when I forget you.

I don't wanna say I want you to go away.

I don't want you to.

But every time you come back, my face lights up. My heart lights up.

AND FOR WHAT?!?!?

For the pathetic little memory I save in my heart?
For the pathetic little fantasy I have in my heart?
For the pathetic little feeling I keep in my heart?

It shouldn't be like this.

But I'll take what I can get.
I'll take whatever little piece of you I can get.

And I'm sorry that I broke your heart to pieces, spat on it and ran it over.
But it's vice versa, Baby... VICE VERSA...


I know I'm special. Thank You for being the one to notice, and actually liking my specialness...

"This is the part where you break my heart.
Where you tear it all apart.
This is when you tell me goodbye.
Let go of my hand. And leave me there."