tell me

Tell me I'm pretty...

Tell me I'm charming...

Tell me I'm beautiful too...

Tell me I'm amazing...

Tell me everything I wanna hear....

Are you listening... Whoever you are?

random updates, feelings, words, thoughts. TADAA!!

what should this post be about?

TEEHEE

Well, let's just be random

Dad hates lok yuk.
Might be going to Sri Insan next year.

Brownies for Love?
How pathetic is that?

Me? Biggest Loser?
Uncle Joe and Dad!!! You're so mean!! (hahahahah. funny though)

60th Anniversary Vid a success!
a J.AM Production!

Puasa almost over.
Raya is coming my way!

Got RM10 duit Raya from Pn Afizah today.
How nice....

One in here, one in there.
one for ME!

I had you
Right there.
But lost you.

Why do I not seek your name?

I'm a good girl!
I SWEAR!!!

Haven't made out in a long time. (hahahahahahaha. crack myself up)

If I became a lesbian, would my friends still love me?

How about if I was Bi??

Hmmmm...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! That was random....

Painted my nails.
They SHINNY!!

Should I cut my hair?

My fringe is long.

RAYA MOOD!!

i like random.

its gonna take me a long time to colour and position each one of these.

but i gots time... TEEHEE!

I'm afraid to love you.

I <3>

I think God did this for me.

Thank You, God

I wrote an amazing essay today.
707 words.
Topic? MUSIC.
Like DDUUUHHHH!!!

"You are the music you choose"

damn right.

Can't think of anything else to say.

But still,
all I think of is "Who will be next?"

GLEEEEEE!!!

Liyana = Gleek!

DAMN STRAIGHT!!!

are you angry at me?

i have every right to be angry at you!

fat? YOU LEH?!?!

fine!

CHILLAX!!!

ok. chilled.

ok well, CIAO!

Years ago...

GOSH!!!

I was looking through my 2007 year book, and I saw pictures of myself.

GOSH I WAS SOOOOO "ATTRACTIVE"!!!

urgh.

I mean, seriously!

WHAT THE HELL??

I know i'm not like, FREAKISHLY fat or whatever, but honestly.... I looked pretty BAAADDDD....

sigh.

Like, I had boy friends then, and seriously, what did they see in me?

I had braces, a weird BIG ass smile, bad hair all tied back and clipped like a stupid nerdy good girl, and... well.... I guess that's it...

But NNNOOOOOWWWWW
I lost the braces, still have that BIG smile (but its nicer), my hair is better (got bangs and shit), and well, I guess I dress better.

So, this leads me to my next question.

If guys loved me then when I was SOOOO "attractive", why don't guys love me now that I'm BETTER than before??

FOOORRRRR RRREEAAAALLLL!!!!!

like, URGH.

I think 2009 is the year I change everything.

"When you turn 16, your world changes."

I've heard this before I turned 16. Thought it was crap.

Turns out.....

IT HOLDS TOO MUCH TRUTH!!!

Like even last year...

I had bad hair.

Bad skin.

Just bad looks I guess.

My jeans were baggy.

My shirts were plain.

I didn't wear accessories.

and just plain... PLAIN.

But at 16!!

WOOHOO!

I got nice blouses.

Skinny jeans.

Nice shoes.

Better bras.

Good jewelery.

Nice perfume.

Better hair style.

Just BETTERRRR...

Soooo.... yeah.

I'm waiting for your call, guys...

hahahha

that sounded lame.

and shitty.

and pathetic...

sigh.

well, I'm done complaining.

Lazy to colour this thing.

ciao

My confession to you, darling

Darling,

I can't face his question.

I know both roads would hurt one of us in some way.

There's is no way to do anything without hurting someone.

Its either I hurt myself, or I hurt him.

But I don't wanna hurt him like you hurt me.

So tell me, what do I do?

I know you couldn't possibly help me.

So why do I even bother asking you, you may ask.

Cuz I just needed a reason to talk to you.

SUBJECT CHANGE

Searching for you still....

Its been maybe more than a week since I wrote to you. But you haven't replied. You haven't been here.

Where have you been?

The only reason why I'm here is to see if you are here too. But the result disappoints me. Always.

Have you disappeared for good this time?

Maybe this heart should lose it's feelings for good this time too.

NEW SUBJECT (kinda. but still continue from previous subject)

Falling in and out of love....

But the problem is, I never fell out of love with you.

i DID stop loving you, cuz that was the right thing to do.

But I think, if a person doesn't fall out of love, and just stops loving another, it is TOO easy for that person to fall BACK in love with that other person.

Making any sense?

It does in MY head...

So darling, do something that will make me fall out of love with you. And NOT just stop loving you cuz its the right thing to do.

Nothing is "right" without you.

NEW SUBJECT

Filling this heart with too much emotion...

There has never been a moment when I wasn't smiling when I was with you.

My heart races when I see you.

My heart STOPS when you say something. :)

My heart skips a beat when you come close.

My heart jumps up and down when I'm with you.

But why can no other do that?

There WAS one other. But that "other", I could never have. Not that I want that "other" anymore. (hehehehe)

I've locked you away some time ago. But I save you, if I ever needed you again.

But it seems, I have never really fastened the lock properly. And I let you seep out now and again.

END

The chances of someone reading this is LOW. So, I don't care if I'm the most pathetic person in the world right now.

Like I said, "You ain't seen pathetic, until you've seen ME"

im sorry, darlingS

I'd send a postcard to you, dear
cuz I wish you were here......

Cuz when I'm with him,
I am thinking of you.

Tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time. All the time....

ssiiigggghhhh....

Is it wrong to be with someone when you're still wishing for someone else?

He doesn't make me laugh, like you do.
He doesn't have that memorable smile, like you do.
He doesn't have those beautiful eyes, like you do.
He doesn't have a lot of things you do,
but the difference is, he's taking his chance...

My heart is torn in two, thinking about you.

And I miss you.
And I hate you.

And I anxiously wait for you to appear.
But its been so long.
And waiting for you is too tiring.

I've given up on trying to give up.

Would it be wrong to be with a person just for the sake of being with that person?

I know it would.

What if I don't love him?

You got it, you got it. Some kind of magic.
Hypnotic, hypnotic. You're leaving me breathless...

giggles

WHAT IF I NEVER GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN?!?!?!
urgh. This is so frustrating!

I want you to want me.

I just wanna get to know you. Cuz what i feel right now, is an attraction. I wanna know if I should go along down that road and finally fall for you.

In other words, "I've heard your melody, and its stuck in my mind. Now I wanna know the lyrics, and see if its a song I wanna sing."

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??

ssssiiiggggghhhh.....

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, GOD!

Let me have the chances.


teehee

me and my heart, we got issues.

I've been really tryin, baby! Try'na hold back this feelin' for so long. But if you feel, like I feel, baby. Then C'mon. OH C'MON!!!
let's get it on!

I can't help but smile when I hear that song. HEEEHEEEHEEEHEE....

Oh crap. I can't remember what I was gonna write about.

Oh! I remember now.

ehm ehem...

Its nice to be appreciated.
Its nice to be fancied.
Its nice to be liked.
Its awesome to know that you are LOVED.
teehee.

Well, I have this issue in my heart. Why aren't I good enough?

Recently, someone I love made me feel like I was such a disappointment. Pathetic. Worthless. Useless. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
No, these words did not come out straight from that person's mouth. But what he was saying to me, about how I am, made me feel like NOTHING. Like I AM NOTHING.

It hurt me so much. To hear him criticize me was like a blade stabbing me with every word.
It has happened before. But I don't know what happened different this time, I just can't seem to forgive him. I have this HATE in my heart for him.
Yes, I will always love him.
But right now, I can't even look him in the eye.

And I haven't looked at him in the eye these few days. I have however, exchanged few words with him. Like normal stuff.
Its been two days since that incident. And it has never taken this long to act as if it didn't happen. It usually takes me a few hours. But it has been more than two days now.

Even now, I don't think I can ever open myself to him anymore.

OK! CHANGING SUBJECT!
Thank you for closure. I know now. xD
Thank you for appreciating me.
Thank you for "falling" for me.
It makes me happy to talk to you.
It puts a smile on my face when you have time for me.
But I have to say that my heart is closed to you now. It is no longer for you.
Try as you might, you and I know it will never be good.
As much as I have wanted you, I must say that now I know I can never have you.
And it does not hurt me to know this truth. It used to. But not now.

But thank you for everything. I will never forget you, for you have helped me find closure for something very important to me.
"Try not to miss me when you're away"
*smile*